It's been almost a year since my last post. Too many things happened; don't know what to say. Right after my last post in last November, heard about my parents and my poor mom. I was arguing with her right before she learned about the disastrous news about my father-his 10-year long affair. My poor mom.
John and I went back to China and brought her to our home. With Zhang performing and giving speeches in the banquet, the audience kept their silence. He can still perform and speak as if nothing happened. This is my father; I don't know him any more; probably never have known him. He looks deceptive and disgusting. I can't keep wondering: where is people's dignity and integrity in this chaotic modern China? He used to be a good and lament father to us. My mom used to be happy. Life is too cruel to her. Although I don't like her at all, although she probably never truly loves and cares about me, she does not deserve this at her 60s.
This is gonna be a long-time, probably life-long fight between them. It took me a while to adjust my emotions. They need to decide how they will spend the rest of their life. I need to take care of mine, not theirs. I offered my opinion, I will be there when she needs my help, that's it. My life has to go on. She has to help herself.
The new and huge condo my parents bought looked dead to me. A home without love is not a home any more. At that moment, I held John's hands tightly. I cleaned the condo hard as if I wanted to wipe out the ugly dust and went back to the happy times although I know it's useless.
Mom went to hospital, got out, my brother's affair, their selfishness, etc. The world is crazy. I am scared and exhausted.
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